Deck the Halls with Lots of Idiots
by flowingsabre
Summary: Twelve fleeting moments with the idiots of Tenchi Academy, of varying levels of seasonal or general appropriateness. Rated T for Tatewaki.


COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: I do not own the rights to anything involved with Hayate x Blade, the relevant parties in fact being Hayashiya Shuzuru and Shueisha/Ultra Jump. Go give them your money. DO IT NOW.

CONTENT DISCLAIMER: Every section (other than the time headings) below contains exactly 100 words, i.e. is a legit, official, technically-sound drabble.

Now, on with the snow! Err, show.

* * *

><p>(Several years earlier…)<p>

* * *

><p>Nagi had known there'd be trouble as soon as she saw the candy canes. The chocolate snowmen, that girl had downed in a flash, with no fuss beyond the inevitable result of giving her sugar. The marshmallow snowflakes had gone less well; she'd found herself dodging her way around their bedroom for an interminable week as the things slowly and stickily dislodged from the ceiling. Surely these candy canes would tempt her twin to more directly applied mischief.<p>

"OOOOHH!"

She sighed, and didn't even turn to look before tossing a soon-to-be sword cane to Hayate.

"Just get it over with."

* * *

><p>(At various points during a certain December at Tenchi Academy…)<p>

* * *

><p>Brush poised before the canvas, Maki waited. The wind bit ever deeper into her hand despite the cast she wore, and yet she persevered. She had yet to move when Yukari finally found her.<p>

"Sempai, whatever are you waiting for?"

"Aaah! Oh, it's you, Yukari-not that I mind you at all! It's just... I wanted to capture a moment."

"Eh?"

"I wanted to paint the first snowflake of the year."

"...You really believe it'll snow anytime soon?"

"Eventually, right?"

"Around when your hand heals, perhaps."

Regret poured from Maki's sad puppy eyes, but Yukari held firm. Health before art.

* * *

><p>"Ya know, we never get any White Christmases around here."<p>

Otoha smirked. "So, would you like to see one?"

"Oh, 'course, but it's not gonna... You better not be thinking what you're thinking, Kiji-chan."

Naturally, she was thinking just that. Within moments, the temperature around Otoha and Michi started dropping unnaturally, the moisture level rising in parallel. Otoha shot one hand toward the sky in a needlessly dramatic gesture and was immediately buried beneath a localized blizzard. Michi golf clapped briefly before hauling her shinyuu out of the snow.

"Moron, I got what I want already, and it's not snow."

* * *

><p>Meiko considered a most difficult problem. Naturally, it involved her shinyuu. Ensuu hadn't attacked anyone illegally in ages, her Japanese was showing adequate improvement, and she'd even stopped leaving fish on Meiko's pillow without having to be asked twice. A reward was in order, especially considering the spirit of the season.<p>

But what could you get for the girl who kills and then eats what she wants when she wants it? A scaling knife was considered, and judged too dangerous. Fishing rod? Too condescending. Finally, she fell back on her own tastes. "The Journey of the Pacific Salmon", in paperback.

* * *

><p>Isuzu stared at her crystal ball, and Momoka stared at her shinyuu.<p>

"Wanko, I thought ya stopped using that, but you've been on it all freaking day today."

"I had. It's just..."

"Yeah?"

"I glanced into its depths for old times' sake after dusting it, and something floated within."

"Wow, seriously? It something bad?"

In lieu of verbal explanation, Isuzu carefully raised the ball to the hovering Momoka's eye level.

"... Kiji swap that thing for a snowglobe or something?"

"Oh, no. It's just celebrating the season, I think."

The shinyuu smiled at each other and watched the snow together.

* * *

><p>Ensuu stalked through what had been a forest once upon a time. Bright colors, confusing shapes, and yet, inadequate prey, such was a bookstore to a beast. She would rather have been elsewhere, but when Meiko got bored, she usually tried to rope Ensuu into her schemes. This year Ensuu was getting her a Christmas present, in the hopes that it would occupy her shinyuu until ice fishing season was over.<p>

Row upon row of half-familiar, half-foreign text flowed across her eyes, until she spotted something she understood. Into her basket flopped "The Journey of the Pacific Salmon", in paperback.

* * *

><p>Michi awoke to the pattering of precipitation against the window, noted that morning had not yet arrived, and promptly rolled over to reset. Mid-roll, however, her eyes met the window and found something unexpected.<p>

Snow. Perfect, pristine snow, worthy of a greeting card, lined the edges of each windowpane. There was no way she'd sleep straightaway now.

That feeling solidified into certainty as her shinyuu stumbled through the door of their room and collapsed into a snoring heap mere feet from her bed. Michi and her blanket slipped down onto Otoha's frosted form and settled down to watch the snow.

* * *

><p>The windows of Yuho's hospital room rattled, but her ninja-proof lock held fast.<p>

"Probably Jun again," she thought fuzzily through a mixture of tiredness, annoyance, and awe at her shinyuu's persistence.

Her brain leaped to alertness as a chime sounded outside her door. She was intimately familiar with the beeps and rings of hospitals, but this one was unidentifiable.

"Meeerry Christmas, Yuho-chaaaan~"

Jun oofed as the bell on her elf hat bounced off the ceiling and ricocheted smack into the top of her head.

Thus was the Ghost of Christmas Present defeated by an anti-ghost bokken of her own design.

* * *

><p>The present sat untouched for a week. Surely its sender had expected such treatment, judging by the eye-searingly gaudy flowers and gilt ribbons piled atop it. Sae would have ripped it to shreds with pleasure had she not feared that when revealed its contents would be even more offensive.<p>

Thus, it was a dangerously bored Akira who first cracked its seal, one ear aimed at the door as she carefully pried off the packaging, revealing a typical department store box within. She peered inside and within seconds concluded that Sae had been right. Her cousin was a damn perverted bastard.

* * *

><p>Mere moments after awakening, Shizuku realized she was in for it. Her shinyuu was missing, and she'd taken along Shizuku's hachimaki.<p>

After a hour of fruitless searching, she finally discovered what Hitsugi had been up to.

"Come down here immediately, kaicho!"

A voice as determined as her own answered, "I can hardly comply before my task is complete."

Shizuku sighed and began to climb the overgrown pine, cresting the upper branches just as Hitsugi finished tying a bow of the now resin-stained hachimaki around the tree's crown.

"There. A better testament to the spirit of Tenchi than any star, yes?"

* * *

><p>"Tatewaki-san, have you seen my shinyuu around here?"<p>

Tatewaki knew full well that Akira lurked amongst her spare camera setups, but a beating had been threatened if Sae found that out. A subconscious flinch in the direction of potential pain was enough to give Sae the picture.

…

Sae placed a partially wrapped present on the carcass of her shinyuu as Akira tried to escape from a tangle of cables.

"You know what you did."

Akira groaned and stopped moving. With a shrug, Sae retook her present and handed it to Tatewaki, before dragging her defeated shinyuu down the hall.

* * *

><p>No one had ever given Tatewaki a Christmas present before. The fact that she hadn't been the intended recipient was immaterial.<p>

Carefully setting the wrapping aside, she examined the contents. The resultant blush nearly drowned out the glow from the monitors. Slick fabric fell through her shaking fingers and was swallowed up by the box again. No doubt both Sae and Akira had known what was in there. Well, Tatewaki had a better use for it.

Taking a fresh sticker label, tape, and her best forgery pen, she set to work on the present.

"To my dear Tatewaki. Love, Hitsugi."


End file.
